i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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