How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize