yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
