Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize