hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
