margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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