i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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