So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize