dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
