I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
