I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
