I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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