Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize