im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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