Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize