So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
