Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
