when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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