We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
