i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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