New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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