shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is Oprah even human
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
