There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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