does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
