If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize