I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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