Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
