I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
