Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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