This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
