I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
