8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
why is half of my head shaved?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
