Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Randomize
