im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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