I can tuck mytits in my pants
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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