dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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