He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
