Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
