If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
