How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
