Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
