Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
