All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your penis caused this!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
