and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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