There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am available for nakedness
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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