Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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