Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
handjob tips. give me some.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
