It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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