i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
