Cold hands, warm shart.
I puked a lego.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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