it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
