She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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