she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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