So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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