It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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