OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
