it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
