She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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