Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
