Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
