I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
