and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My ass is underappreciated
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize