i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
