i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
