Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
