Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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