i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
