love makes seman taste better
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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