Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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