I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
