Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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