By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
