suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
