i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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