Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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