If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
