I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
