I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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