I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
