I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize