i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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