She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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