Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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