I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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