whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize