I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
