shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
