i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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