try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
